The Pretty Liar ... Me

Here is a layer I have been peeling away for years. It's this thing called perception. A pretty little liar. A distraction. Who I thought I wanted to be. 

I remember me, the young girl at age 15, with a BURNING desire to do something with my life. Move hundreds of miles away from my mom. I wanted more.  I promise you this, it was a force that was much stronger than the words "you can't do it". 

But my desire, that divine intuition, got tangled up with lies. And I started to move in this different direction - a perception. I started to believe the desire to want more with my life, was to be MORE successful, to have MORE. 

MORE was the lie. 

Lies aren't delivered to your door, with a big note that says, Look at me, I'm the lie you just told yourself, the perception you want to believe, a fantasy called the future, the distraction from all the shiny things,  or the lie on the end of a musical note, being sang in the words "I love you" from the man later asking me, "Will you marry me?"  

No, it's not that easy. I bought into it. I still buy a front row seat now & again.

I've taken the time to realize that at the end of the day - the only person lying to me, is ME.

And as I have been emptying myself, not in the two days I started writing about it, but in the past few years I've started to do my own inner work, I'm seeing THE TRUTH.

I've wondered if there really is a difference between our real world and the story in The Hunger Games.

Do you ever feel like one of those made up people from the capitol; eating it up, drinking it up, thinking I need to be entertained to enjoy life?

I am returning the package. The lies. I don't want my money back. I want my LIFE back. Maybe so I can find my life's purpose.

I'm ready for shit to get real.